I was talking today with one of my best friends about a mutual acquaintance who is in very dire circumstances and finding it hard to contemplate even staying alive. We'd previously ruminated on the state of having an "almost perfect life" and what happens when things don't turn out to be so perfect any more.
I said Yeah. I always try to put things on a scale.
If you're at the top, sliding down the scale a little might seem unbearable. But someone else at the same point on the scale who has climbed up there from the bottom might feel wonderful. Same quality of life. Two feelings about it. If I ever catch myself starting to think "I couldn't bear to lose...", I remember that and tell myself "Yes. I could bear it." It's got me through so much.
My friend told me she liked my approach, and that it was Highly logical
. That's something of a joke between us, that I'm the Spock-like one in contrast to her emotional sensitivity. She hastened to add that she didn't think I was devoid of emotion!
But sometimes, in order to get through things, we have to peek over the emotional cloud and take the objective view. How can someone in the very same circumstances as us be so happy with their lot in life, when we feel we're losing everything that keeps us going? Is it purely because we're contrasting our current situation with where we were ... or where we hoped to be?
I fully understand the striving to improve one's lot in life. Mankind would not be where we are today without a driving ambition. There's nothing like that feeling of finding oneself moving along that scale in a positive direction. But if we backslide, is it really so devastating?
For my own part, I've never been at the top end of the scale, though I've briefly come close a few times. Did it hurt when those times ended? Of course it did. Adjustment is never instant. But with very few exceptions, what we lose are things we were previously without anyway. And at least we are left with the memories of when things were different.
The English language has many phrases that cover this concept. Here's a few off the top of my head, but I'm sure you can come up with many more. Is the glass half full or half empty?
, It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all
, You don't miss what you never had
and of course Always look on the bright side of life
.
Everything's better with a little Monty Python, right? 
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Ahh, yes, "keep on the sunny side of life," as us Texans are known for saying (and whoever else uses it).
ReplyDeleteLife-suckage is a very subjective experience. What sucks for me may be heaven for another, or it could be hell.
Ironic you should post this today. A while back I was in a hole so deep I had to look a long way UP to see the bottom. My life now is much better than it was when I was ready to die, again. I thought all the hardest stuff was behind me.
ReplyDeleteToday I was forced to call the police and have someone I love picked up because she was 1200 miles away and on the way to take her own life. I kept her talking while I got the police involved and thankfully they showed up in time to prevent her from taking a step I know from past experience doesn't solve anything. It was hard on so many levels, not the least of which is I was terrified she'd never speak to me again.
It was easily one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. There is still a way hard road in front of her, one I've already walked down. And where she goes from here is going to depend on her getting just a little bit of help from folks who are supposed to be doing their jobs in the first place. Folks who up till now have been refusing to do their jobs because "you're just faking it for attention" and "No ones life is really that hard, you just have to stop focusing on the bad stuff. Take your mind off it an you'll be fine" and other such classics.
She's been asking for so little, and getting even less that. I've managed to speak to her several times since I had her picked up. She doesn't hate me, but isn't thrilled either. But hey, she's alive and I consider that progress!