Eight Months On

So. It's been eight long months since I last posted anything here. That time period in itself isn't very significant, as my posts for quite a while have been about my past, rather than my present. My close friends are aware of why I write so little about my life as it is now.

So why this post? Maybe it's because the silence has been so long that the blog was delisted on Blogshares, where a period of six months or more without a post qualifies a blog as Inactive. Perhaps it's because a new friend I recently made by commenting on her very active blog followed the link from my name to here, and found herself "puzzled" as to why I was one of her followers. Perhaps it's because my closest friend just resurrected one of her own blogs after an even longer silence. Perhaps it's because of changes that have lessened my own fears of retribution for anything I might say here. And perhaps it's because of the current "Lesbian Bloggers Revealed To Be Men" news story, which has destroyed some of the trust many had in online community.

Let's take that last one first. I find myself perhaps less outraged, less angry, less shocked than others who have voiced their feelings about this whole drama. I do not wish to diminish those feelings, and I fully understand the real dangers that these charades could cause to people in vulnerable positions. However, I come from the days when the catchphrase was "All the women on the internet are men". Back in the late 1980s and early 1990s, it was just assumed that whoever you presented yourself as online, you were someone who was Male Assigned At Birth, and it would be foolish to believe anyone who argued otherwise. That ingrained attitude has lessened in my brain over the years since then, with the verifiable demographics of internet users now being much more gender-equitable, but it has never really gone away.

Although I was not aware of the Gay Girl In Damascus blog until after the author was reported missing, little warning bells went off in my head about the authenticity. However, I have trained myself to give everyone and every situation the benefit of the doubt, and hoped the situation would have a happy ending. As far as the Lez Get Real blog, I had been a Facebook friend of the owner, Paula Brooks, for quite a while and the "I only have two photos of myself, both showing a woman much younger than my stated age" profile was definitely a red flag. But I had become so jaded to those who wanted to hide aspects of themselves that they felt ashamed of, or uncomfortable about, that I let it slide. Perhaps she was an elderly woman with skin like a walnut, or a disfigured face. Perhaps she wasn't a woman. Perhaps she wasn't a lesbian. Perhaps she wasn't deaf. I never had a personal relationship with her, nor did I pay much attention to the blog postings she made, so it wasn't a big deal to me. I can understand that it is a big deal to those whom she befriended, who trusted her, and who confided in her.

I wish everyone felt able to be open and honest about who they are, even online. I know it's all too easy to develop an internet persona that projects who you want to be, who you feel you really are outside of the physical attributes you've been burdened with. I'm not innocent of that. For a long time I was Helbergina, the Master Herder on the fictional planet of Pern. Or her sister, Khyri, rider of the green dragon Elianth. I've been Lisse Livingston, citizen of Second Life and respected realtor, mall owner, landlord, mentor and event host. I've learned to accept who someone presents as online, and be open to the fact that I might learn later that they are very different in the physical world. After all, that's how I met my ex-spouse.

Given my cynical, jaded and blasé attitude, it's perhaps surprising that I even take note of these "shocking reveals" when they happen. But I do care. I care for the feelings of those whose trust has been betrayed. I am fascinated by the details of how the charade was perpetuated, storing them away for comparisons in the future. I analyze patterns and have a very fuzzy list in my own mind of people out there who are probably not all they present to the world, and who could cause drama of varying degrees if "outed". But I'm not sharing the names on that list with any but a couple of close friends, and only those names I have the most doubts about.

Because when it comes right down to it, it's not a big deal to me. I'm still in that "All women on the internet are men" mentality. These days, of course, it's modified to "All female World of Warcraft characters are played by men", or "All men on the internet are women". If my readers aren't the gender, or race, or nationality I think they are, that's okay with me. (Heck, I know that the person behind the twenty-foot tall, multiple-genitaled centaur on FurryMUCK is almost certainly different in the Real World!) What's not okay is when they use that to destroy the trust of others. You don't have to reveal yourself, warts and all, to everyone you encounter online. Just say "I'm a little different in person", and leave it at that. If you're talking to someone who will become a true friend, they'll accept that for the time being, and respect your own timetable and comfort level in "coming out". They might even fall in love with your warts.

(This post was originally going to be about something else entirely, but I got side tracked. Oh, well. I'll need to write another post now!)